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Dave Barry Quotes - Page 23

All Quotes Age Arguing Art Atheist Beer Boat Business Character Childhood Children Christmas Cleaning Coffee College Commitment Country Dad Darkness Doubt Drinking Driving Effort Fashion Feelings Fighting Flying Food Football Fun Funny Giving God Golf Halloween Hate Hilarious Holiday Home House Humanity Inspirational Internet Journalism Justice Killing Kissing Literature Memories Mountain Music Office Pain Past Politics Pregnancy Purpose Rain Reading Religion Respect Responsibility Risk Running Sailing Sarcasm School Science Sleep Son Sports Students Stupidity Taxes Team Technology Today Training Travel Vacation Waiting War Water Weed Weight Loss Wife Winter Writing

The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war,

The United States tried, by depressing the clutch of diplomacy and downshifting the gearshift lever of rhetoric, to remain neutral, but it became increasingly obvious that the nation was going to get into a war, especially since it was almost 1812.

Depressing, War, United States

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States”, p.60, Ballantine Books

When preparing your return, you should be sure to avoid common mistakes. The two most common taxpayer mistakes, states the IRS booklet, are (1) "failure to include a current address," and (2) "failure to be a large industry that gives humongous contributions to key tax-law-writing congresspersons."

Mistake, Writing, Law

Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.

Mammals, Spiders

UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons.

Squares, Feet, Vacuums

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.21, Ballantine Books

And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.

Trying, Literature, West

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States”, p.9, Ballantine Books

This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content.

Substance, Obsessed, Lows

The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.

Attitude, Organization, Term

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

Looks, Pounds, Results

Congress shall also create a tax code weighing more than the combined poundage of the largest member of the House and the largest member of the Senate, plus a standard musk ox.

House, Musk, Congress

Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway”, p.34, Ballantine Books

More and more products are coming out in fiercely protective packaging designed to prevent consumers from consuming them. These days you have to open almost every consumer item by gnawing on the packaging.

Packaging, Coming Out, These Days

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.43, Ballantine Books

Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato.

Littles, Genes, Found

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.

Believe, Clueless, Ice

Humor is an escape, because you cannot think about your problems when you are trying to be funny; so, in essence, "being a humorist" gives you a valid excuse to hide from your pain.

Pain, Thinking, Essence

"Secrets of a Two-Time Pulitzer Winner". Interview with Michael Mechanic, www.motherjones.com. June 30, 2010.

I report as a machine; I write as a person. That clear dichotomy softens the transition.

Writing, Transition, Machines

"Secrets of a Two-Time Pulitzer Winner". Interview with Michael Mechanic, www.motherjones.com. June 30, 2010.

Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.

Queens, Sorry, Real

The whole thing about whether you smoke marijuana or not is so ridiculous. That and whether you protested the Vietnam War. Give me a break. Especially the marijuana thing.

War, Marijuana, Giving

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

I actually kind of like Janet Reno. She seems like a nice enough lady. But when you're basically going through the entire phone book trying to find women lawyers who don't have maids to pick the attorney general of the United States, how well can you do?

Nice, Book, Phones

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

Stache’s attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics—and a big piece if luck.

Pirate, Luck, Pieces

When you say you don't think we should have public schools, they can't believe you mean that. You must mean that they should be smaller. But you can't really mean no public schools.

Believe, School, Mean

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

People - just weird people are attracted to Miami. And they come there not for serious reasons, usually.

People, Serious, Miami

"Dave Barry's Mix of Over the Top Humor, Seriousness Reflects 'Insanity' of Miami". "PBS NewsHour" with Jeffrey Brown, www.pbs.org. February 7, 2013.

You might have mentioned this to me Molly,” said Leonard. “The fact that there are hostile natives on the island.” “I forgot,” said Molly. “You forgot?” said Leonard. “There’s been a lot happening,” said Molly.

Islands, Might, Facts

I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.

Taught, Republican, Middle

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

I want to gag sometimes when I see who "we" are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.

People, Want, Libertarian

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.

Hate, Car, Pits

There's only one way kids will wear helmets, and that's if their parents are nagging them to. They will never wear helmets because some state passes a law requiring it.

Kids, Law, Parent

"'All I Think Is That It's Stupid': An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December 1, 1994.

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