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Dave Barry Quotes - Page 24

All Quotes Age Arguing Art Atheist Beer Boat Business Character Childhood Children Christmas Cleaning Coffee College Commitment Country Dad Darkness Doubt Drinking Driving Effort Fashion Feelings Fighting Flying Food Football Fun Funny Giving God Golf Halloween Hate Hilarious Holiday Home House Humanity Inspirational Internet Journalism Justice Killing Kissing Literature Memories Mountain Music Office Pain Past Politics Pregnancy Purpose Rain Reading Religion Respect Responsibility Risk Running Sailing Sarcasm School Science Sleep Son Sports Students Stupidity Taxes Team Technology Today Training Travel Vacation Waiting War Water Weed Weight Loss Wife Winter Writing

You and Teacher,” said Molly. “Yes,” said Peter. “She’s very clever. You’ll like her.” “I’m sure,” said Molly.

You and Teacher,” said Molly. “Yes,” said Peter. “She’s very clever. You’ll like her.” “I’m sure,” said Molly.

Teacher, Clever, Like Her

Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?

Giving, Miami, Give Me

"Dave Barry's Mix of Over the Top Humor, Seriousness Reflects 'Insanity' of Miami". "PBS NewsHour" with Jeffrey Brown, www.pbs.org. February 7, 2013.

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

Islands, Sheep, Mediums

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

Law, Example, World

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Jobs, Ethical Standards, President

Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.

Art, Modern, Grasping

Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down”, p.20, Ballantine Books

San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.

Funny, Travel, San Francisco

Twitter post from Jun 12, 2009

Basically Ken is a very gentle, home-loving person. I remember when one of his stick insects had a knee infection. He stayed up all night rubbing it with germoline and banging its head on the table.

Funny, Home, Animal

The greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison Edison's first major invention, in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented.

Home, Majority, Pioneers

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

Funny, God, Humorous

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.120, Ballantine Books

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss.

Reading, People, Trying

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.50, Ballantine Books

Do not put this product in a big vat and drop rats into it from a cat-walk.

Cat, Rats, Vat

Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.

Travel, Car, Trying

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.57, Ballantine Books

It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.

Funny, New York, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.64, Ballantine Books

... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up.

Children, Humorous, Holiday

Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.

Doctors, Should, Diets

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar.

Funny, Humorous, Italian

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.108, Ballantine Books

This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.

Funny, Humorous, Italian

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.141, Ballantine Books

Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.

Funny, Humorous, Japan

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Does Japan”, p.60, Ballantine Books

Never trust anything you read in a travel article.

Funny, Travel, Never Trust

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.262, Ballantine Books

Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.

Two, Feet, Wire

The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings.

Funny, Japan, Two

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Does Japan”, p.63, Ballantine Books

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, for the past five years most of the manuals shipped with software products have actually been copies of Stephen King's The Stand with new covers pasted on.

Kings, Past, Years

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.54, Ballantine Books

Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.

Computer, Bigs

Dave Barry (1997). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, Ballantine Books

Is there a medical rule that requires doctors-office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto?

Medicine, Doctors, Office

Twitter post from Apr 15, 2010

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