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Dave Barry Quotes - Page 22

All Quotes Age Arguing Art Atheist Beer Boat Business Character Childhood Children Christmas Cleaning Coffee College Commitment Country Dad Darkness Doubt Drinking Driving Effort Fashion Feelings Fighting Flying Food Football Fun Funny Giving God Golf Halloween Hate Hilarious Holiday Home House Humanity Inspirational Internet Journalism Justice Killing Kissing Literature Memories Mountain Music Office Pain Past Politics Pregnancy Purpose Rain Reading Religion Respect Responsibility Risk Running Sailing Sarcasm School Science Sleep Son Sports Students Stupidity Taxes Team Technology Today Training Travel Vacation Waiting War Water Weed Weight Loss Wife Winter Writing

I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.

I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.

Talking, People, Assuming

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

Depressing, Beer, Being Sad

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.1, Ballantine Books

9 saw the first direct-dialed long-distance telephone call, between New York and San Francisco. Of course, back in that primitive era the parties had to speak to each other manually; today one or both ends of the conversation would be carried on by a machine.

New York, Distance, Party

I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.

Funny, Sex, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys”, p.42, Ballantine Books

All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.

Funny, Music, Airports

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Art, Experts, Spending

Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down”, p.22, Ballantine Books

But from the perspective of the aging parent, there is no major difference between four and fifteen, except that when your child is four, his motoring privileges are restricted to little toy Fisher-Price vehicles which are unlikely (although I would not totally rule it out in America) to sue you.

Children, Differences, America

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.168, Ballantine Books

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'

Government, Here I Am, Paper

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry in Cyberspace”, p.11, Ballantine Books

I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.

Funny, Book, Reading

We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how

Forget

There's tremendous pressure, if you're in that [goverment] system, to be involved and be interested and to care about it. There's no room to say, "This is stupid."

Stupid, Care, Rooms

Source: reason.com

I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.

Jobs, Thinking, Government

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

For Dad, the perfect Father's Day would be one in which he didn't even realize that it was Father's Day, because nobody was making him appreciate gifts he didn't want, or read greeting cards filled with lame Father's Day poetry.

Dad, Father, Appreciate

The fact that Gene Weingarten and I and Bathroom Inventory are now part of some kind of Matrix of Poop strongly suggests that the Pulitzer is not what it once was.

Facts, Poop, Inventory

"← Regents Drive Parking Garage, floor 1Guest post: Professorial Pooping Predicament → EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Dave Barry and the Matrix of Poop". Interview with Rich Abdill, umdbathrooms.wordpress.com. April 27, 2010.

Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.

Men, Hair, People

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up”, p.244, Ballantine Books

I've been to Washington many times over the years for stories, and it always seems remarkably the same. More the same than the rest of the country. It's almost like they dress the same as they did 20 years ago. The same old guys are sitting outside the same dirty, dingy secret offices in the Capitol that you're not allowed to go in.

Country, Dirty, Years

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All you need is a cork, a bar magnet, and a pail of water. Simply attach your magnet to your cork, then drop it into the water, and voilà (literally, "you have a compass")-you have a compass. How does it work? Simple. Notice that, no matter which way you turn the bucket, the cork always floats on top of the water (unless the magnet is too heavy). Using this scientific principle, early hardy mariners were able to tell at a glance whether they were sinking!

Science, Simple, Water

When I write my annual tax column, some ex-IRS agent will complain, "There you go IRS bashing again." They're always saying that they're just doing their job. Someone I know once said, "You could get another job."

Jobs, Writing, Irs

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

I don't like anything unsigned in a newspaper that purports to be the opinion of some group if we don't know who the group is. It's laughable to say that The Miami Herald's editorials or any newspaper's editorials represent any views other than those of the people writing them, so why don't we tell everybody who they are?

Writing, Views, People

""All I Think Is That It's Stupid": An Interview with Dave Barry". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.

Funny, Wisdom, Peace

maybe somebody finally shot the dog.

Dog, Shots

Dave Barry (2010). “Big Trouble”, p.111, Penguin

When the boomers started to have kids reach adolescence, there was suddenly this feeling that they needed to protect their kids from all the same things they did when they were kids. Which I guess is a natural tendency, but it makes for a less fun society.

Fun, Kids, Feelings

"All I Think Is That It's Stupid". Interview with Glenn Garvin, reason.com. December, 1994.

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

Snowboarding, People, Literature

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.86, Ballantine Books

What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles? I grew up in an era (the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight.

Sight, People, Important

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.139, Ballantine Books

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.

Kings, Thinking, People

"How Will The Man Of Steel Die?". The New York Times, November 18, 1992.

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