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Dave Barry Quotes - Page 27

All Quotes Age Arguing Art Atheist Beer Boat Business Character Childhood Children Christmas Cleaning Coffee College Commitment Country Dad Darkness Doubt Drinking Driving Effort Fashion Feelings Fighting Flying Food Football Fun Funny Giving God Golf Halloween Hate Hilarious Holiday Home House Humanity Inspirational Internet Journalism Justice Killing Kissing Literature Memories Mountain Music Office Pain Past Politics Pregnancy Purpose Rain Reading Religion Respect Responsibility Risk Running Sailing Sarcasm School Science Sleep Son Sports Students Stupidity Taxes Team Technology Today Training Travel Vacation Waiting War Water Weed Weight Loss Wife Winter Writing

We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.

We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.

Funny, New York, Humorous

Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Greatest Hits”, p.69, Ballantine Books

Roy Blount, who is the funniest person I know, journeys deep into the dark heart of humor and brings back a wonderfully insightful, superbly crafted song of the soul that had me laughing and crying too

Song, Heart, Dark

Men have no cause to criticize women about the way they are about weddings. Because men are like that about sports, but it never ends. At least women, after the wedding, say it wasn't that big a deal and they're never going to look at the DVD again. Men never stop being crazy about sports.

Sports, Crazy, Men

"Dave Barry has snakes on the brain". Interview with Kevin Nance, www.chicagotribune.com. January 25, 2013.

The Olympic movement simply cannot allow the Russians to become estranged, because Russia is a vital part of the world sports community, in the sense of having nuclear missiles.

Funny, Sports, Humorous

Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.57, Crown Archetype

Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your child." MY child just wants to eat the toys.

Funny, Baby, Children

Dave Barry (2003). “Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, but Some Actual Journalism”, p.84, Crown Archetype

I'm afraid that, in this chapter we must talk about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the Frontiers of Human Understanding and also we want to sell as many books as possible to adolescent boys.

Funny, Sex, Humorous

Dave Barry (2001). “All the Dave Barry you could ever want: four classic books in one from America's foremost humorist”

The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.

Funny, Running, Travel

All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump.

Funny, Book, Reading

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.10, Ballantine Books

My current computer, in addition to 'DOS,' has 'Windows,' which is another invention of Bill Gates, designed as a security measure to thwart those users who are somehow able to get past DOS.

Past, Bills, Able

"Lost in cyberspace" by Dave Barry, www.washingtonpost.com. February 6, 1994.

What's happened to marriage? The wedding-industrial complex. Brides get swept up in this world of obsession - it has to be your perfect day.

Perfect Days, World, Obsession

Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.

New York, Cities, Missing

This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.

Funny, Beer, Balls

"Boogers Are My Beat". Book by Dave Barry, September, 2003.

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

God, Children, Turkeys

Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.

Names, Firsts, Used

People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex usually turn out to be, like, eighty. And their letters always end with, "Just joking."

Sex, Writing, Thinking

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

God, Appreciate, Stupidity

Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.

Funny, Humorous, Japan

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

Funny, Business, Humor

"Your Guide to Self-Directed". Book by Daniel Cordoba. p. 197, September 19, 2008.

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care. We have each other.

Mean, Intelligent, People

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

Children, Fear, Example

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.53, Ballantine Books

They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.

Funny, Kings, Humorous

Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

Dogs make good pets because they are very loyal

Dog, Humorous, Pet

The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or my daughter might read it or my son might read it, so no, I've never really written about eroticism at all.

Daughter, Sex, Writing

Source: www.writersdigest.com

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hotlines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly.

Ideas, Irs, Tolls

In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.

Funny, Humorous, Doctors

Dave Barry (2009). “Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus”, p.25, Ballantine Books

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